Saturday, October 5, 2013

Currently October



I can't believe it's October already, this year has truly flown by! Only 3 more months until the end of the year.

I don't know about you but I have never been so stressed out in my life, and trust me, I've been through some things. Tuesday I visited my doctor blood pressure follow-up care. They had to DOUBLE the dosage of my medication... what, how in the world does that have to happen! Then they tell me that my last blood work showed signs of high blood sugar. So they took more blood to send off for testing telling me it's a strong possibility that I'm pre-diabetic or may have transitioned over to full blown diabetes! That is not what I needed to hear.

I'm having a really hard time this school year. Have you ever felt like you're being punished for being an effective teacher? Well this year I truly feel that way. It's not the students, it's never the kids for me. Although there are 26 of them this year and there was only 22 of the last year. I've always had the LD cluster and lumped with them were the students they "thought" might qualify. But in the past my LD students were pulled out. This year they're using the collab model and I truly feel I'm in this alone. I would go into detail but that wouldn't be professional.

But basically I cry everyday on the way to work and have even had a couple of panic attacks. The thought of having to go to work and basically try to meet the diverse needs of all 26 of my students alone is very overwhelming. I requested a break from this cluster this year but it didn't happen. Basically I get told "you're too good, those kids need someone like you." But someone else can be just as good if given the chance.

It also doesn't help that I'm team leader this year, I sit on the schools school improvement team and we're in a school improvement year, I'm a mentor to a new teacher on my team and in the spring I'll be training to be apart of VCU's Clinical Faculty (basically they train me to train their student teachers in my classroom).

And to top it off, lesson plan week is coming. What is lesson plan week you ask? Well if you've been working at my school for less than three years you have to write lesson plans like a student teacher and turn them in for that week. My first year we had four of them. Last year we had three of them. This year we only have two of them, THANK GOD! And it's my last year doing this. So even though my summative evaluation from last year states that I am beyond proficient, I'm an exemplary educator and this is my 10th year teaching...because this is only my 3rd year at this school I still have to turn in plans like I'm a probationary teacher.

So on top of everything I got going on in my life right now, I have to add writing 4 hours worth of lesson plans to the list. Hopefully you're having a better year than me and I stand on God's word that he won't put more on me than I can bear but I am truly being pushed to the limit and it can't be good for my health right now.  

8 comments:

  1. I can't imagine what you are going through! I have a very similar class situation and it takes up A LOT of my time. I can't begin to think of adding lesson plans and all the rest to that! Wishing you good health and remember as difficult as it is, you must put yourself first.

    Deb

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  2. I had a year like you are having now a few years ago, plus in my personal life we lost my sister-in-law and mother-in-law within 2 months of each other. My husband also was in a horrific accident and required two surgeries. One day I found myself in my principal's office crying like a baby! In 25 years of teaching I had never done anything like that! She did her best to help me-moved out a BIG behavior problem. I took some days off-just to be home, sleep, help my husband, and have a moment to think! I took a day off every 3 weeks or so, sometimes more. I hated writing lesson plans for the sub, but she was excellent. I was so far gone it wouldn't have mattered. These students, principals, requirements will all come and go in your life-you will always have yourself. Take care of yourself! You will be better overall in all aspects of your life. I used to say, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." I changed my tune to: "God gives you the strength to handle whatever comes your way." Feel His love and grace, girl. What would He want for you? Crying on your way to work? Stressed out? Overwhelmed? No! He loves you-accept His love and warmth and caring! It is always there. Remember...
    Debbie
    debjac9aol.com

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  3. Oh my gosh! I forgot to mention in all of the above, I was diagnosed with diabetes and am now on meds! I do feel better. I take metformin twice a day with meals and try to drink a green beverage in the morning: almond milk with organic: celery, cucumber, romaine lettuce, a slice of lemon, Sun Warrior plant based protein (chocolate), 1 T coconut oil, kale, and ice cubes. Drink it up! My blood sugar has improved and I feel more energetic and I actually get some sleep at night and wake feeling rested (most days).
    Debbie
    debjac9@aol.com

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  4. I prayed for you as I read your blog post. All teachers in my school have to turn in detailed lesson plans weekly - everybody! It is a lot of extra work because you feel like you are writing for "them" and not yourself. I pray that things calm down for you and you will be able to cope. I "do" too much, but that's because I don't know how to do 'different.' (and I've been teaching 30 years) I'm the first one there to school, and the last to leave. (12 hours daily, plus many more at home and only sleep about 4 hours nightly) It's me that puts the pressure on myself. I wish I knew how to slow down and not be a perfectionist. You might be the same way. Hope things improve for you!

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  5. I am praying for you and believing that God will continue to give you peace, guidance, and healing. I can relate to your post on so many levels. Please take the time to care for yourself even if it means taking a couple of days off of work. You only have one you!

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  6. I am praying for you, too. I instantly started to pray when I read your blog entry. Thank you for sharing. I have had similar years. Without prayer I would not have made it. God is using you, girl! It's not fair that you get loaded because you are good. Balanced classes help prevent teacher burnout and make it fair to all students. If other teachers aren't capable of these students then administration needs to deal with that issue. The smoothie mentioned from Debbie made me feel I need to mention my own personal discovery. I have been dealing with some health issues and started to focus on clean eating and cutting out processed foods. I buy as much organic as I can afford. I have never felt better. Lost weight, eliminated physical issues I had, and never felt better. It is crazy how my body was reacting to processed food. I highly recommend pinning and researching clean eating. It is just a life style change that my family and I have loved. The food taste better and I am not deprived because I can fill up on good eating. I follow a 80% clean eating / 20% other plan. I can't cut out all junky stuff....this has been life changing for me. Check it out....many awesome blogs about it that motivate. God wants you to take care of yourself. He will take care of you!! I will keep praying for you. There is power in prayer!

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  7. Praying you find the strength to endure this year and find the path to serenity.....I know many are feeling your anxiety this year, also....we are all part of the same team and will continue to encourage each other.....take care of yourself first

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  8. I am sorry to hear that you - who have helped so many of us - are struggling. I retired this past June but know that so many others across the country are feeling exactly the same way. Too much paperwork, not enough time to really teach and so many needy kids. Please know that we all are thinking of you and sending good thoughts of encouragement. I agree that God will help you through this-He always does.

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